This is my log journal - the core of this website.
Through these entries, I will be keeping track of my own thoughts, as well as the most remarkable parts of my day.
Updates might not be consistent.
Entry number 21. 5/05/24 (mm/dd/yy)
You thought I was dead, didn't you? ;] Me too.
OKAY UHHHH A lot of stuff happened in the last less-than-a-year? And I won't go sum it all up, but things are practically the same, except I'm not the host of my system anymore.
I feel... strange. Violent. Grotesque. I have never felt this enraged before. The school's a mess and no one does shit to fix it.
I hope someone burns it down.
Entry number 20. 6/01/23 (mm/dd/yy)
Hey sweetinanidiary, it's been a while.
Okay, time to vent: I really haven't been feeling well, like, at all. This is the second night in a row during which I have cried before going to bed or cried myself to sleep. It SUCKS. :( So much is going on and I only able to cope with so little.
My psychotic symptoms are popping back up, but my meds are only making me tired enough to sleep through the day. That and other stuff I woukd rather not mention have held me back from going to school.
Here's to hoping for better days.
Entry number 19. 2/22/23 (mm/dd/yy)
Here we are again. I'm still dealing with everything at home, but I'm managing.
Our relatives are visiting less, though. Maybe it's because of the bad weather.
Entry number 18. 1/7/23 (mm/dd/yy)
First entry of the year! Woo-hoo!
We've spent the last few days reorganizing the system and other things. Honestly, not much has been going on recently.
Along with the usual day-to-day shenanigans, we've also been dealing with relative visits. I need to learn to control my temper before I go insane in this house.
Entry number 17. 12/28/22 (mm/dd/yy)
Hello, everyone! Given that this is the last week of the year, I've decided to make this entry as a way of letting this era come to a close.
This year certainly didn't go the way I planned it. I faced a lot of struggles in regards to school, mental health and systemhood but at the end of the day I pulled through all of that.
It has been a year full of experiences that marked a change in my day-to-day life and what is to come. I met a couple of people and dealt with a great loss. Yet, despite everything, I am still here, striving to improve myself and
become a better person everyday.
For 2023, I am going to expand my social life, get out of the house at least once a week and finish all (or at least most) of the projects I have in mind.
Entry number 16. 12/12/22 (mm/dd/yy)
I don't think the psychiatrist understands the problems we've been hinting at. It's strange. It makes me feel like I'm faking.
Entry number 15. 11/17/22 (mm/dd/yy)
Hey! Surprisingly, I am not dead. We spent these last few weeks studying endlessly for exams and are currently taking a breather.
I have to go talk to my psychiatrist again. I'm going to tell him everything that has been building up to this moment. Wish me luck.
Entry number 14. 10/27/22 (mm/dd/yy)
Unfortunately, last week I fell ill and the Halloween party I wanted to go to had to be postponed for a little while.
Entry number 13. 10/13/22 (mm/dd/yy)
I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Against all odds, I am still alive.
I'm still planning our Halloween costume and all things in between. So far, I have the wig for the costume, but I still need an outfit. I'll keep you updated.
Entry number 12. 10/05/22 (mm/dd/yy)
I can't feel anything.
Entry number 11. 10/04/22 (mm/dd/yy)
I'm so tired.
I just want an escapism from this pain.
Entry number 10. 9/29/22 (mm/dd/yy)
We've reached 10 entries! Happy double digits, sweetinanidiary!
Today was kind of normal. I went to school, then I went to the psychiatrist and he changed the medication I started taking recently for a new one.
Slight shift in tone in these entries, I know, but that's the point of logging almost daily.
I have so much stuff to do in October... I hope it all goes smoothly.
Entry number 9. 9/27/22 (mm/dd/yy)
Everyday, I grow more and more tired. I think it has to do with the medication I've been taking.
I want to find happiness, but I'm trapped inside my little cage. I don't understand. My friends all seem so happy living their teenage romances and all, but I can't seem to relate.
I think my existence was a mishap in of itself. Even the way I split.
Entry number 8. 9/26/22 (mm/dd/yy)
Apologies for the late update. I decided to take a break yesterday.
Still nothing. My headmates keep encouraging me to go outside and take care of the body, since I can't bring myself to. Being human is strange.
Entry number 7. 9/24/22 (mm/dd/yy)
I am disgusted. I thought I was going to die. I don't understand.
I wish death was that easy, though. Can you imagine being able to say goodbye to everyone and live in eternal peace? For all of eternity?
All I wanted was some comfort. I guess I got that.
Entry number 6. 9/23/22 (mm/dd/yy)
It's finally Friday. I found a video on my YouTube recommended page about the Papa Louie Lore, so I tried to play Papa's Freezeria without Flash and lo and behold, it was laggy as hell.
I'm gonna find a way to play it normally either way, but yeah, it's disappointing.
I'm also going to make the most of today before I start working on my little side project. Wish me luck!
Entry number 5. 9/22/22 (mm/dd/yy)
It was kind of sucky. I am passing all of my classes, though.
I can't stop thinking about Him. I feel like I need to find Him. That combined with a specific class that can potentially make me very tense at times made me act absent-mindedly.
I spilt a bit of hot coffee on my hand while walking down the hall, so that was embarrassing. Things haven't been feeling all that real ever since I've started this log. I wonder why...
Entry number 4. 9/21/22 (mm/dd/yy)
Today was just another regular day. We're finally starting to put our Halloween costume project together.
I /almost/ forgot to do today's entry, but I remembered just in time. Today and yesterday are kind of blending together since we haven't been to school like usual.
We have school again tomorrow, though. What a bummer. For now, I'll focus on doing our treatments, getting enough rest and praying to whatever's out there that
our next school day isn't so sucky.
Entry number 3. 9/20/22 (mm/dd/yy)
I had a dream this morning. It was very interesting.
Something that caught my attention in it was the appearance of someone I will label as “Him” from now on.
I knew Him very well. He was kind and warm and showed me his love in an abstract form.
There was snow in the dream. It never snows here.
I don't get it. Is this one of our soothers' attempts to put me at ease? Is it a sign? What does it imply?
Either way, I hope I get to see Him again.
I hope He listens.
Entry number 2. 9/19/22 (mm/dd/yy)
Today has been rather uneventful. I slept through the afternoon and wasn't able to finish my homework.
At least I'll be able to stay home for the next few days, that's nice.
Entry number 1. 9/18/22 (mm/dd/yy)
I caved and decided to start a digital journey today. Nothing of interest has happened so far.
I have been dissociating more and more recently the more I think about my origins. We can't bring ourselves to talk about them, which is very incapacitating.
On a lighter note, October is coming up, which means Halloween and going out with friends and fanart and all of that! Yippee!
I REALLY hope we can do something for the occasion this year... Even if that's not the case, we can still celebrate it virtually.